The Ironic Dilemma

“The modern dilemma is ironic. We are devoted to finding happiness—and we are seeking happiness in ways guarantee emptiness.” – Dr. H. Wallace Goddard

It is so interesting, isn’t it? That what we seek in our marriages, if sought for in the wrong places can actually end our marriages? We think that the key to being happy is making sure that everything around us fits our needs and our wants. But in reality, the only real place we will find joy in our marriages is outside of ourselves.

Last week my husband had a pretty bad headache. He complained that it was pulsing through his head and into his jaw. I offered him a heat pack, some medicine, liquids…anything I could think of. On day 4 of this same headache, I told him that we needed to go see a doctor. He replied that he would be okay, and he just didn’t feel like going. I was so frustrated! I knew it would keep him out of work, he would miss Halloween with our kids, and that he was just prolonging something that might be easily fixed with a prescription. The next day, he felt completely better.

And then something humbling happened. Two days ago I woke up with a demon headache. It slowly took over my whole face and down my neck. It is like the worst migraine/sinus infection I have ever felt! I totally understand now why my poor husband didn’t want to go to the doctor! The thought of that makes me ache and my stomach turn. I just want to rest!

I find it unfortunate and so terribly sad that I had so little patience with my sweet husband not wanting to go to the doctor, just because I wanted him to do it. It is awful to me that it took facing the same headache symptoms to understand what he was trying to tell me. What pain he would have experienced if he had listened to me! It was such a selfish frustration on my part!

The opportunity to literally go through what a spouse has felt is not a common one. If it took this pain for me to understand, I have to ask myself how often I miss something? How often do I get frustrated because of what I see, what I feel or what I think? How often do I neglect to really understand WHY my husband feels some way or does something that I may get frustrated with? And is that really fair?

This week’s readings reminded me of my end goals. What do I really want to gain from all this? My goal is not to be happy at the expense of my husband’s happiness. I want to be happy, I want my husband to be happy and I want to be happy together with my husband. But what I really want is to be able to say that I did everything I could to build that happiness for my whole family.