Media and Marriage

“Sometimes the image of men and women shown in the media subtly and incorrectly influences our perception of sexuality. Seldom does the media present a balanced, mature, loving marital relationship. Men are often presented as strong, dashing heroes with little commitment and only one desire—sex. Women are portrayed as hopelessly romantic, pragmatically businesslike, or silly, who in any case have one function—that of satisfying man’s one desire. Both of these narrow views deny the individuality of men and women. They ignore the fact that both are children of God, each with his or her own hopes, desires, talents, and emotions. When a husband and wife forget this truth and see the other as an object, sexuality can do little or nothing to promote intimacy.”

–Brent A. Barlow, September 1986 Ensign, They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage

Embarrassingly, I had never really picked up on this truth, until very recently. It is amazing at how many disturbing and prevalent truths you pick up on when that media portrayal is seen or heard by your daughter! Television shows that I would watch and would have before considered “basically appropriate,” become much less “appropriate” when my nine-year-old daughter is watching it with me! But why? Why have I always deemed it ok for my own soul, but like a light switch in her presence, it is suddenly barbaric?

When I think of my sweet little girl, I don’t ever want her to even once consider her sexual purity as silly. I never want her to feel like real and spiritual love is for hopeless romantics. I can not handle the thought of her living a life of promiscuity, or of her believing that physical and sexual relations are expected from her before marriage. I mean, this is my daughter people!

Since I am so offended by this thought, I must have made many precautions to avoid it, right? I taught her about modesty, about dating, and about safe internet practices. We talked about love within marriage, and I make sure she knows she can always come to me for questions and help. I thought I was doing pretty good! But as I was reading today, I realized that I have willingly been letting examples of infidelity, promiscuity, immodesty and inappropriate language into my home. I have used my very own television remote to expose her to the exact lifestyles that I never wanted her to consider leading. I did that! Her own mother! And you know what? It wasn’t even through terribly bad shows- it happens on children channels, too.

It makes me ill to think about. But what feels worse, is knowing that I have exposed that same ugliness into my marriage. Netflix has made it so easy for us to unwind at night with a show—all while we subject ourselves to things that are offensive to the Lord and to the Spirit. We have done so much in our marriage to protect ourselves and our home from Satan, but we invite him in willingly with our media choices. My purity is of no less worth than my daughter’s—so why hasn’t it offended me or my spirit before?

Going forward, things in our marriage, in our home and in our parenting will need to change. If we want to have a home that invites the Spirit, then we need to make sure we are allowing the Spirit to be happy here. If my marriage is to represent everything that we say we believe in, then we should be upholding every one of those values in the media choices we allow. What is inappropriate for my child, will most definitely be inappropriate for my marriage, and for myself!