Charity and Our Hearts

“Irritations with our partners are not a challenge to diplomacy as much as to our charity. There are no right words when our hearts are wrong.” –H. Wallace Goddard, PhD

This quote touched my heart. How many times have I tried to help my husband (or anyone else) see what they need to do to “fix” themselves, when really there was no problem on their behalf? I cannot, and will not ever “fix” anything about anyone. No amount of coaching will change that. That isn’t my purpose, and should never be my goal.

Charity means loving people. It means loving their good, as well as loving their less-than-good. It means more than just turning a blind-eye, or choosing not to voice an irritation. It is accepting the person for everything that they are, everything that they will become, and everywhere that they have been. Charity is loving someone the way that Christ loves each of us- completely, and with no exception.

In marriage, this is especially important. Last year, my husband and I decided it was the perfect timing and situation to quickly get through school. He quit his job and took on about 24 credit hours, and I bumped up my credits to full-time. We woke up every morning, got our big kids to school, and then sat in front of computers and books to do homework. Besides meetings for our callings, shopping or trips to our kid’s school/doctors/sports, we spend every minute of every day together for an entire year.

It was awesome, and probably the best and hardest year of our marriage yet! We are totally different people, that operate on two totally different wavelengths. We got along fine most of the time, but once in a while, we would clash. During those times when we were annoyed, it was very hard not to pick apart the other. Typing to loud, taking too many breaks, getting a poor grade, leaving a mess…..it was a lot for both of us to handle! And why? Because our hearts were not right—we were selfishly picking apart traits that differ from us. “There are no right words when our hearts are wrong.”

If I could go back to last year, I would change some things. First, I would try to remember that the things that I would get annoyed with are not the others' fault. They cannot control if I get annoyed, only I can. Second, I would try to love my sweet husband for every amazing part of him, even the parts that were difficult to manage. Third, I would try to love my husband even more for being so patient and kind to me. Fourth, I would do everything I could to always see him exactly as the Savior sees him.

I am so grateful for the knowledge of Jesus Christ that we have, and for the endless and perfect love that He has for each of us. I know that as we seek to understand and know that love, that we will have no bigger desire than to share it with others. I am grateful for the knowledge of families and eternal marriage, and for that heavenly example that was set in place for us to follow. We can and should love our spouses, with the same perfect love we are shown from our Savior.