The Three Wolves

"Elder Hafen has described three kinds of wolves that test every marriage. The first is the adversity that is a part of mortality. The second is our own imperfections. He describes the third as the 'excessive individualism: that causes us to evaluate everything in terms of its effect on us. The value of every experience and every person is based on whether they meet our needs and honor our preferences.'"

This quote really stuck out to me in the reading this week. I think that two of the three wolves are very obvious and well known. Marriages always have and always will face adversity. I don’t think this is a secret, or even something that isn’t apparent to everyone who has ever known a married person.

The second wolf, personal imperfections, is also very easy to see as something that could potentially hurt a marriage. It could be personal imperfections that go unseen to the owner of them, or the imperfections that are constantly being picked out by an annoyed spouse. Because none of us are perfect humans, we will always have imperfections that hinder us until dealt with. I also believe this is a commonly known, and noticeable wolf.

The third, however, is something that can sneak up on a couple. When a spouse starts evaluating their husband or wife based solely on their ability to benefit the spouse, it is so destructive! I also think that this behavior can go unnoticed, or even justified, by spouses.

We know a very sweet, young girl that is struggling with this exact problem. She dates many men, some good and some not-so-good. But even when she dates a “good” one, she tends to only be interested as long as what they bring to HER table outweighs what she finds less desirable, or what they require of her. Luckily for her, she is still in the dating stages and may discover this wolf before she enters into marriage.

Avoiding this wolf in marriage is crucial for growth and success of a marriage. If we constantly are worrying about our own needs getting met, then we are not focusing at all on the needs of our spouse. If we judge the worth of a spouse by how well they meet our needs, then we lose so much of what makes our spouses amazing and perfect for us. If we are always looking for more, more, more- then it comes at the expense of the person we love.