50 vs. 100

My husband and I were married around the same time as many of our friends. Over the last ten years, we have seen a few of them struggle to figure out their new family’s priorities. A common idea among the troubled ones is that once they bring children into the world, that the children become their main priority, followed then by either church or their spouse. Each parent will give every second of time and scrap of effort to their offspring, while neglecting the needs of their husband or wife. Unfortunately, this seems to lead to some hurt feelings, lots of fighting, and sometimes marriage disintegration.

Priorities that we set in marriage seem to, from my untrained perspective, directly impact relationships between married parents. If both parents are giving all their energy to children first, then that leaves their spouse with just the leftovers.

In a 1996 Ensign article, Elder Bruce C. Hafen, said,

“Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.”

While this quote applies to many aspects of marriage, I believe it is very relevant to this situation also. As covenant keeping spouses work at giving each other 100 percent, the couples will be blessed and the children will be blessed. Parents who are happily working toward a productive marriage will be able to meet their children’s attention needs also.